Networking is not for sissies

Since being laid off I have attended a few networking events, some with former co-workers (they had been laid off, as well) and some on my own.  The ones you go to with friends are a little uncomfortable. I, for one, don’t want them to see me in the mode of the used (pre-owned) car salesman hawking my wares (me) to a group of people in similar straits as myself.  But I shouldn’t dwell on that too much as they are out there hawking their own goods or not. The last time we all went to one we stood around in a small cluster greeting all the people we knew from Sun Microsystems.  You’d see a familiar face and extending a hand, say “RIF class 09 or 10?”.

Whoever hosts these events really puts a lot of thought, energy and time into these meetings, so I am greatly appreciative! Often times there is food, a bar and a comfortable environment in which to meet new people. It almost sounds like a bar and it certainly has all the ingredients for a great happy hour if not for the undercurrent of panic, forced conversation, elation and disappointment.  Each of those emotions can be experienced while talking to a single person, who you didn’t know moments ago. There is the brief moment during the conversation when you are excited to meet someone from this unique-sounding field, distressed to hear that they were laid off so unceremoniously thus exposing themselves and their families to the uncertainties of no health insurance and then panic when you both realize that neither can help the other so you limp off to start the whole exchange again. No, not all conversations are like that but there certainly is an element to each one, even with those I intend to meet for coffee at some point.

Meeting for coffee is the date equivalent of having lunch: short, non-committal but there is interest. Actually, networking is not unlike speed dating. There’s the hip group everyone wants to talk with because maybe they are putting together a start-up; there’s the I-have-no-idea-what-I-am-doing-here segment wandering without purpose from person to person (that’s generally me) and there is the group, who you have no idea how they got hired in the first place and hope they have some sort of fund from which they can draw. Yes, that last one is a mean observation but it’s a front because they’re the ones I most worry about and they’re the ones who probably worry most about me. I just wonder if this market is willing to give the older, non-hip, well-educated but slightly awkward people (mostly men) a chance again? Is their success in this networking circus a predictor of them getting back into the 9-5 game? These are the guys, who probably have 2 or 3 degrees, are a little older and you’ll find them just beyond the periphery of the wanderers:

Yes, I am projecting my insecurities onto them but I can’t help but see that the vast majority of people at these events are older men. And I’m not interested in hearing about the HE or  She-cession as basically we can just call it a Sux-cession and it’s no fun for anyone. I always leave these sessions pretty pumped and optimistic but then like an evening spent over too many glasses of wine the euphoria gives way to a pounding head ache and a resolution to not do that again. I guess the reason I feel that way is because nothing seems to come of them and that’s probably my fault for not actually doing anything about it. We’ve got all these great people with amazing talents, we should come up with something or put on a show or do something constructive and fun. One thing is for certain “Americans are not bowling alone anymore”. Remember that book “Bowling Alone“. One thing about this Sux-cession is we are all back out there talking with each other, getting to know one another, offering each other support and listening to one another. I think that is one of the best things to come out of what has really been a terrible time for so many people. It’ll be interesting to see what happens when we all go back to work and you act like an a**-hole to me. Will I remember how distressed you looked or how concerned you were over your wife or will I just want to pop popcorn right next to your cubicle? Hard to say, really.